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Old 10-24-2009, 05:08 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetie View Post
I feel like my life is spent waiting. Waiting for the weekend to be with them. Waiting for that 2 minute conversation when he calls me from work, just to say hi, and when he doesn't call, I'm disappointed, and maybe a little envious, because I know he didn't forget to call Sea. Waiting for that 2 hours twice a week we spend alone, but if something comes up, and it doesn't work out, again I'm disappointed. Waiting for Sea to come online at night, so we can talk about everything and nothing. But if she doesn't come on, then I know they are having date night. Which I know they need to stay connected, but I don't get date night. (Not either of their fault), just not able to happen. So I'm alone. Waiting... waiting... waiting.... I sound bitter, and selfish, and I hate that about myself.

Sounds like what you're getting is not enough to meet your needs right now. There's nothing wrong with expressing that to the people you love. One thing that's helpful when I'm having a difficult conversation is that I'll always assume the person I'm talking to does care for me and is doing the best they can in the current circumstances. I'll approach it from the viewpoint that we are working together and do mutually care for each other.

There's a difference between being respectful of your partner's primary relationship and just shunting aside your needs for theirs. One is sustainable, the other isn't. It sounds like you've been making a habit of setting aside your own needs, and that can build frustration and resentment even when you're trying to convince yourself that you're just doing it out of love for them.

It sounds like it's time for you to be honest with yourself and with them about your needs in this relationship. The difficult conversations can be a lot easier when everyone operates from the assumption that everyone cares for each other and is doing the best they can. Then, in a context of love and mutual respect, you can find space for your needs in the relationship.
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