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Old 08-16-2011, 06:13 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,419

I have an update and also request for some advice.

First, the update. For the past little while (about two years) I've had a male friend that I grew closer to. In the past few weeks we really grew closer and Seamus started encouraging me to pursue things.
I have (although not much. He's pretty young, not super experienced and it's a long distance thing, so I'm taking it slow).
Now Seamus is feeling conflicted. He doesn't want to forbid me to see the guy, but he's not 100% comfortable with it either. He thinks it's a mix of not being friends with the guy (they actually had a big disagreement as Seamus's ex-roommate was a close friend of J's - my friend - and it went bad between the two of them.
Now they don't really dislike each other but they don't really talk or know each other either. Seamus thinks he would feel more comfortable with a friend, someone he can trust, or at least someone he knows and can talk to. I can understand that and agree it would be for the best, but all three of us think a skype call with the three of us (or worse, just the two of them) would be incredibly awkward and make things worse.

Another thing is that because we're apart (I'm in France, Seamus is in California... J, by the way, is in Georgia) he (Seamus) can't be part of it as much as he (and I) would like. Otherwise he could be in the background some time, or just drop by behind me and say hi, or something like that which would be less drastic than lumping them in a phone call together when they don't really have much to talk about.

However Seamus doesn't think it would be fair to ask me to wait until he can meet the guy in person (unlikely to happen for about a year if not more) but I don't want to force thing if he's uncomfortable with it, either... And he feels bad about my restraining myself and told me not to. So it's kind of a lose-lose situation for him I guess.

I have no clue what kind of advice you can give, but he'd really like to know what other people have to say about the whole thing. Also, the relationship with J would be a FWB kind of thing, at least that's the plan, there is no telling how things might evolve.

Any contribution is much welcome.
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