Thread: Turnabout
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Old 08-16-2011, 03:32 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
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(Thanks RP )

And thanks, ncin!!! I'm struggling really bad today.

Sundance was invited to go to a family gathering tonight with the new gf. Moving waaaaaaay too fast for me!!! They just slept together for the first time last Thursday night, now he is meeting her entire family????

Am I being unreasonable????

He says he won't go if it upsets me so much. But he keeps saying how hurt and disappointed she is going to be.

I am a very empathetic person, and I can feel for her. But I have never even met this girl.

Sundance has sort of portrayed me as a completely neglectful wife. While in many ways, I have been, I have not been nearly as bad as he has led her to believe. He tells her I'm with my BF all the time -- when in fact I am only with him one to two hours a week. I spend 3 nights at my grandparents' house, as a caregiver (for which I am being paid). He has told her I am at my boyfriend's house those nights!

I know she thinks she is saving him from a wife who really doesn't love him. And it won't be hard to get him to believe that, with the way I've been withholding affection from him. Not always, but I do go in streaks. We definitely have issues, our marriage is not perfect and I am largely to blame. Instead of working through things, I have tended to give up and escape, instead. I encouraged him to do the same. Now here I am, begging him to believe that he is going too fast with this girl, that I can be the wife he needs..... what the hell??? I sound like a psycho!!!

I can understand that he doesn't want to break his word to her. But I believe if she really knew what I am feeling right now, she would not be comfortable with him coming there.

-- Oh, wait, Yes she would. She would think this is my just desserts!

Is it???

I fell in love with Butch. But NOT because Bob was lacking in any way. He has been a devoted, loving husband. We have struggled to obtain the intimacy level that I fantasized us having -- which became a nasty cycle. I read too many books and think I'm so much smarter than my husband, just because he follows his own inner compass and has developed his own coping mechanisms in life. I judged his ways as "wrong." I belittled him and acted superior when his views differed from mine. I have been wretched.

Am I wrong for asking him not to go meet her family??? It terrifies me. He has never claimed to be poly, himself. I am afraid he will decide she is the better girl for him. I am not even sure why he has stuck it out with me. He held onto hope when I was pushing him away. I have acted like he had to "earn" my love. Like I am so smart and so lovable and worthy of fighting for. Ha. All I've been is a selfish, egotistical brat.

Incidentally, I am leaving for NYC tomorrow morning! Visiting my daughters. Sundance staying home with our boys.
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Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
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