I am poly and have had a boyfriend for 10 months, but my husband was mono. I encouraged him to explore and to be open to something with another woman. Well, now he has. I did not anticipate being "jealous," and I'm not sure that's what I am. I am scared. I am surprised -- I didn't know if this was really going to happen! And I know where MY heart is, and my husband's, and my bf's (and my two men have known each other for a long time, and are friends).... but I do not know how this new girl feels about everything. Sundance has told her he loves me and will never divorce me. But.... he has led her to believe that I spend a lot more time with my bf than I actually do, and has maybe played on her sympathies just a little. She isn't the type to move in on a happily married man! I think she sees him as a neglected husband who deserves to be treated better, he just hasn't realized it yet. She can't understand why I would want anyone else but him (she just couldn't imagine, as he is so wonderful in every way). I'm afraid she is hoping to wrangle him away from me.
That could be what your wife is afraid of. In poly I've heard them called "cowgirls." I don't want a competition! I want us to be on the same team. Did your wife meet the girls you were seeing? That can help. I'm hoping to meet his new girl soon, just so we will have a clear understanding.
Sundance had a rough time looking for a secondary. I kept saying just be open, she will come to you. She did.
He already knew her, but had never responded to her interests. Once he did, it took off from there. Before that he was looking online -- that pretty much sucked. He felt he needed to say he was separated -- there are so many nice girls online who absolutely rule out a married man. It's more acceptable to be separated/going thru a divorce than staying committed to your family but wanting more love in your life. Sad. We are closeted, so he couldn't put a picture up, and no one responds to a profile without a pic.
I did hear of a site called seekingarrangement.com that looked interesting -- but it is geared for rich men and beautiful younger women. Nonetheless, it seemed a lot more honest and straightforward, anyway.