She is simply amazing to me. I feel very lucky to have met her and have a chance with her. I am the first person she has dated in 2 1/2 years after a triad went horribly wrong.
As for my self esteem that is my thought process I know I am a catch, I just have a bad choice in women. Mostly the women in my life have said I am not enough when I tell them I am unwilling to leave the military. I totally understand where they are coming from. Last year I was gone 287 days in various countries around the world and unable to tell them where. It is a lot to ask of anyone. It usually lead to them leaving or cheating. So when I mention about not feeling enough it isn't an active emotion more like something I think that will creep into my mind over time the more she sees him. Perfect example. I leave in the end of Oct for afghanistan once again. I have four free weekends, 3 of those she will be at dance events with him. Possibly all four of them. To me I know this will feel like I am unimportant. I understand it is her love for dancing that is taking her away from me those days but I will be sitting at home thinking, wow I am leaving and my bday falls in this time frame and she is spending it with him. It is just a rough situation for me and I have the foresight of what I am going to be feeling in that situation and it scares me. Emotions typically run high before I deploy. I start to switch mindsets and pull away from being my typical fun loving and romantic self to an alpha male mind set out of necessity. I also start to deny myself the feelings I come to love when being with someone to prepare to leave them for the four months I am gone. So the fact that will be a change in me and the given situation I worry about it.