Thread: My Dilemma
View Single Post
Old 08-15-2011, 11:13 AM
Tinyblu Tinyblu is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 66
Default My Dilemma

So it's been a while since I posted, and a lot of good things have happened since I last posted. I am still with my guy and it turns out he's not quite as much of a jerk as I thought he was. I just had to learn how to set boundaries, speak up and communicate. Since I have been doing that, things have been rather nice between us.

In my last post, I had expressed concern about visiting him during a time when he had invited another woman in his life to the same city. Fearing that that incident would turn into another "fulfill-his-threesome" fantasy, I was faced with the decsion of whether I should take the trip and even continue the relationship. After LOTS of honest conversation and an ultimatum I gave him (stop pushing or I'm leaving), I decided to go on the trip and actually had an amazing time. He went above and beyond to make sure I was comfortable, even to the point of NOT sleeping with the other woman until I left and getting her totally separate accomodations.

Here's where it gets hairy... I actually connected with this woman. We had the chance to spend one-on-one time together shopping and staying up late talking. We even had an encounter of our own that he doesn't even know about!!! Since we met, we have been in communication with each other and have made plans to spend time together again one-on-one.

The issue is... he's just not that into her. For almost 8 years, they have seen each other no more than three times a year during which time they simply have sex and she goes on her way. He's never even spent the night with her in the same bed. It's totally a sexual thing for him. He says he keeps her around because she knows how to "stay in her lane" and she's great for a little threesome fun every now and then. He told me that she is not someone he would consider seriously "dating", that she has tried for years and he has kept her at bay.

Most recently, I took a trip with him and we stopped in her city for a visit (and he finally got his threesome). Though he got a benefit from the trip, I could tell that he did it to keep me happy (I won't shut up about this woman and I begged him to go see her). He had even started planning a vacation for the three of us (flights and hotel booked). However, after spending time with her, he had a conversation with me about how he felt about her (his words: I simply can't be in her space for a long period of time... ), and decided that he doesn't want to go on the trip with her. His rationale is that he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about the relationship, and that taking her on a trip would muddy the waters, and he simply doesn't WANT to spend that kind of time with her. So, he cancelled the trip and then asked ME to break the news to her!!!

Here are my issues: Where's his spine? HE's the one who got her all excited about going (as was I) and now I have to be the bad guy. I have no idea how I am going to do this. She is gonna be crushed!!! Secondly, I really like this woman. I enjoy spending time with her. The sexual stuff is just extra. We get along very well. But I am now caught in the middle. Though he hasn't said anything about us communicating, it would certainly make things awkward if I continue to get closer to her while he's trying to get away. I don't want to stop communicating with her but I don't want to complicate my relationship with him either. UGH!!! This is a mess! Suggestions?
Reply With Quote