View Single Post
Old 08-15-2011, 06:33 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Bellerina View Post
He also never acknowledged me as his gf on facebook, but he accpets that his lover uploads pictures of them as a couple (which is very painful for me).

I have no desire to be once again in such of a situation where i get it rubbed into m face that she is chasing him online.

Sometimes I feel i should just be fair and let him go, let him do his thing.
I tried to end the relationship, but he is telling me he needs and loves me.

I am confused and all of this does not help my studies. I get distracted and
emotionally very upset sometimes and i feel i am being unfair since I keep hurting him and myself.

I feel I am a very bad for him because I ask him to be monogamous and he always turns me down.
1. Have you asked him to talk about you as a girlfriend on facebook? Is there anything stopping you from posting romantic or loving things on his wall for everybody to see? If you have, did he ignore you or say sweet things back? Does HE post anything romantic about her, or do you just have a problem with her posting pictures?

2. I do have to say, this woman probably isn't "chasing" him online. Are they in a relationship but since you have a DADT relationship you don't know? Does she know you are in his life? It just isn't helpful to project motives to this other woman, when it's your boyfriend you need to be communicating with.

3. Do you want a mono relationship? Well - if so, yes, you should break up with him. Of course he loves you and needs you, but if you need something else, let yourself be free to pursue it. Maybe you meet somebody wonderful and a year later you still want to be with this other guy and decide you could be interested in polyamory - perhaps you forget about him - perhaps you find in 2012 you haven't moved on and are willing to give it another shot. One thing is pretty likely though, if he has said no to being mono (when he COULD HAVE LIED and then done as he pleased and kept you on the hook) he isn't going to give you that, ever.

You are staying there to focus on your studies and life goals, please take care of yourself first. Nobody can decide if a relationship is worth having or not except the people in them though. Good luck!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote