Originally Posted by openbj
Chimera, I'm sorry, but your scenario scares me more than people getting along and being friends. I have to disagree with you. When you are a married couple, with the marriage being primary, there's no way a selfish/arrogant person would be welcomed into the family unit in any fashion (friends or poly). It's a major source of drama, hurt feelings, etc. I think the thought of being friends is a great one, because it assures that everyone is on the same page, taking care of each others needs. Not putting demands on time and such that would cause disruption to the relationships involved. If the wife and gf or husband and bf don't get along, it's going to be a disaster and will not work out. Pure and simple.
I am a "married" couple -- 20 years and open/poly for all of it. Almost all of our other sweeties are/have been friends with both of us, but not all. That person I mentioned was an issue and then we dealt with it (he was going to stop seeing her), but it did work out because there was clear communication between us and with her. I was fine with not having to be around her and when we were, she was respectful and friendly.
I'm not saying that the ideal isn't people getting along and being friends. If everyone wanted that, it would be great. I guess my point was that it seems unreasonable to me to make it a requirement that everyone has to be friends and care deeply about each other. It always seems like an idealized or romanticized fantasy people have early on and puts so much pressure on the various relationships.
Maybe I sound cynical, but I also know that my partner sometimes has friends who I'm not particularly interested in being friends with (platonic and romantic). And, that's okay, he's his own person. Same goes for me. We don't have to be exactly alike.