Originally Posted by Chimera
I know there are other threads on poly/mono issues, but this statement seems to me like a red flag in any poly relationship. I don't think it's just about Sofia; it seems to be a common idea for many people, especially in the beginning.
I don't think being a friend with a partner/lover's "others" should be a goal from the outset in a poly relationship. I think that folks must get along on a minimal level and everyone should be treated with respect. Yes, it would be fabulous if everyone got on really well. But, it seems like a ton of pressure to put on people to assume that everyone must be friends. My partner had a lover who I couldn't stand. She was arrogant and selfish. We had issues at first since she was rude to me -- this got taken care of -- but I didn't want to ever be around when she was over, etc. etc.
Chimera, I'm sorry, but your scenario scares me more than people getting along and being friends. I have to disagree with you. When you are a married couple, with the marriage being primary, there's no way a selfish/arrogant person would be welcomed into the family unit in any fashion (friends or poly). It's a major source of drama, hurt feelings, etc. I think the thought of being friends is a great one, because it assures that everyone is on the same page, taking care of each others needs. Not putting demands on time and such that would cause disruption to the relationships involved. If the wife and gf or husband and bf don't get along, it's going to be a disaster and will not work out. Pure and simple.