Originally Posted by Sofia
For him personally, I think he stands to find a great companion and friend in my other love, S. .
I know there are other threads on poly/mono issues, but this statement seems to me like a red flag in any poly relationship. I don't think it's just about Sofia; it seems to be a common idea for many people, especially in the beginning.
I don't think being a friend with a partner/lover's "others" should be a goal from the outset in a poly relationship. I think that folks must get along on a minimal level and everyone should be treated with respect. Yes, it would be fabulous if everyone got on really well. But, it seems like a ton of pressure to put on people to assume that everyone must be friends. My partner had a lover who I couldn't stand. She was arrogant and selfish. We had issues at first since she was rude to me -- this got taken care of -- but I didn't want to ever be around when she was over, etc. etc.