Admittedly, there may occasionally be a person who find this thread for the first time and will want to respond immediately to the initial post without reading the rest. They're just excited about contributing. Take it with a grain of salt. Those of us who have been following your journey, or at least checking it every now and then, I am sure know you are wrestling with tough stuff and doing the best you can.
I think it's great that you're attending a poly group. Hopefully, it helps you to not feel so alone in what you want.
Keep up the good work and try not to let frustration get the best of you. Physical exercise can help when life feels too constricting.
(((((((( HUGS ))))))))
Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership.
Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy!
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan