Originally Posted by sage
MT you are sounding like you have a lot of pent up anger and resentment about your situation.
Please don't be angry with me (I haven't read the whole thread either)but maybe you need to open this up to the light of day and share it with your wife. From my own experiences I don't think much movement towards the positive can occur when you are holding resentments. Are you familiar with non-violent communication? This would probably be a good place to start.
I am familiar with it, but could stand to read the book, I'm sure.
Yes, there's a lot of resentment, and I've aired a lot of it on this (and on other) threads, as well as at an in-person poly discussion group that I recently started attending (and that has been EXTREMELY helpful).
What riles me at this moment are people who "helpfully" drop in on this thread and, without bothering to read the thread and acquire the context of where I started, where I've been, and where I am now, decide to give me their two cents--oftentimes a quite judgmental two cents. They tell me that I'm doing this or that bad thing to my wife, without bothering to read how I've been holding it in (and continue to hold it in), trying to gauge how much and when to let it out in small enough doses that my wife can process it without packing her bags and walking out. They don't bother to read about how I have grasped desperately for patience, venting here when I run out of it rather than venting at my wife. Nope, I'm the bad guy, going back on a promise, upsetting my wife's world, and I should either shut up or get a divorce, no middle ground.
I can do without that kind of "help."