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Old 08-12-2011, 10:14 PM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by KGodc View Post
By asking (it seems like demanding though) her to let you be poly, are you also saying "Do it my way." When you got married, and signed a legal contract, she was under the impression it would be a mono marriage, and now you have asked her to change the game after more than a decade of mono tradition.
Oh, hell, not this again.

"B-b-but, you PROMISED!" isn't a conversation; it's an attempt to shut down conversation. Yeah, I promised--at 25, I didn't know any better (does anyone at that age?). I thought monogamous marriage was what I was supposed to do; no one ever mentioned that there were other choices.

I have made no demands. I've talked; I've told her what I was thinking and feeling, and what I'd like to be able to do about it. I have not demanded to be able to do anything. I'm still keeping my poly-ness bottled up, with one difference--it's no longer a guilty secret.

And, more on point, I am still keeping my promise. I have asked to renegotiate it, but I have not broken it. I'm such an ogre for doing that--a completely horrible, terrible person who committed the cardinal sin of being honest with his wife.

I suppose I ought to be flayed in the town square for that. It would have been so much better if I'd just cheated in secret, right?

Originally Posted by KGodc
If you want to make this work, I agree that you have to make your wife feel loved and appreciated, so she doesn't think it is because she is inadequate for you. As for your son, I can understand how it may be difficult. Sadly, choosing to be poly after so long with mono woman would be considered an irreconcilable difference with logical grounds for divorce on her end.
"Choosing" to be poly? You have no idea what you're talking about. You're walking in late to this conversation, and apparently have either not read the whole thread or have misunderstood it, so I'll not say the unkind things that spring immediately to mind.

Originally Posted by KGodc
This may not be what you wanted to here, but it sounds like you are blackmailing her as much as she is you,
How the hell do you figure? From where I sit, I've been bending over backwards to give her time and space to process; meanwhile, I've continued to not step a toe out of line, and have neither sought nor consummated any other relationships.

Blackmailing? Really?

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

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