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Old 08-12-2011, 04:38 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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That's such an odd view and obviously panders to an old stereotype. I have read in so many places that it has been, more often than not, the woman in a relationship that wants to open it up to poly. And in my own life, I have found men to be so much more "puritanical" in their attitudes about sex than women are. Time and time again, I have experienced that the guys are always the ones to get hung up on the fact that sex took place and that, apparently, means something about exclusivity. I cannot begin to tell you how many past relationships I had that started out as "casual" and as soon as we had sex, the guy broke up with me and got engaged with the next woman he met. Meanwhile, the women I've known talk easily about sex with each other, and tend to be more open-minded about relationships and sex. I suspect that your friend's notion comes out of the old madonna/whore perspective on women. If a woman has good potential as a mate in a relationship, she's not expected to be sexual or wanting others. That's hogwash, of course. Furthermore, if a woman is "biologically driven," ie., toward baby-making, then it would stand to reason she'd want as many partners as possible for the best chances of producing offspring. But there are plenty of women, like myself, who have never had the urge to be a mother -- but we sure as hell want sex and love! Maybe we're the ones that guys get most fucked-up about trying to understand.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-12-2011 at 07:24 PM.
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