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Old 05-12-2009, 01:06 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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So, there's David in the picture in a way which is something different from "just friends".... I'm too experienced now to pretend that I know how all of this is going to work out, and, anyway, I just want to live one moment at a time!

[ Background: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=895 ]

Anyway, David & Kevin & I are up in the mountains hiking and picnicing ... and it wasn't long before handholding, walking arm-in-arm, snuggling and kissing began between each of us--pretty much in that order.

At some point, David mentioned that he wants to be carefull to insure that his touching was given out in equal proportions to both Kevin & I (who are partners of 12 yrs.). Thinking that this was just a beginning of such get-togethers, I immediately said that Kevin & I are comfortable enough with our situation that we're not worried about metering affection. I wanted him to know that it's okay to relax about this issue, even to let go of it. If Kevin & he were to spend more time caressing each other than with me, that'd be fine. If I needed to say, "Hey, let me have some...", I could do that.

There's something very contrived and artificial about trying to insure that everyone is getting equal signs of affection. Imagine someone counting up minutes, seconds..., trying to be sure not to favor one person over another in an openning couple such as Kevin and I have (are)?! That's just not relaxed enough. Sure, it would be terrible to be left out of the affection entirely, but, you know, nature has sunny days and rainy ones..., things are in flux. We ought to let ourselves be natural about it. It won't rain on anyone all of the time -- nor will the sun always shine on anyone. Too much worry about "equal treatment" is as bad or worse than actual inequality of affection and love.
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