Just wanted to rant about how awesome my girlfriend is.
So occasionally I get these identity anxiety freak-outs. I know, I know, how self-absorbed can you get, right
? They are most acute whenever I visit dating sites, really. There's always this one little box to check which fills me with dread and creates inner turmoil and mayhem: sexual orientation (I know of one site where you have the options "I don't know/something else" and "queer", but OKC doesn't support such orientation anarchy). I know my troubles are minor compared to people who have to regularly choose male/female boxes, but that one politically charged little question always sends me into a downward spiral of pointless introspection.
It's not that I don't want to be bisexual - I really do. And having a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time should imho guarantee me a lifetime card-carrying membership in the Bisexual Club. The trouble is that I don't feel bisexual. I feel gay. I 'm no longer sexually attracted to men. I don't desire romantic relationships with men. I love individual men as individuals, not as members of their gender, whereas I really do love women
. My stomach doesn't do somersaults when I'm planning a date with a guy. I'm seriously considering whether to cancel my date tomorrow, because I just don't feel any sizzle or sparkle there. What's the point?
I'm angsting over this to Vanilla, and here's what she said;
"Sweetheart, stop defining yourself. You don't have to be just a dyke or just bi. You just like whom you like. I think sexuality is nothing fixed but rather changes throughout your life. If there's a time when you like being a red-head, nothing should stop you from wanting to go blonde some other time. Definitions are not that serious.
Think about it; what if one day you meet this perfect guy but can't be with him because you've decided on dykehood? That if anything would be sad. Or what if someday you'll end up mono and straight?
Take it easy with your identity anxiety and be what you are, without limiting yourself and angsting over which box you fit in. Why should you box yourself in just now?"