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Old 08-12-2011, 06:19 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

Not a good day this morning, got my migraine again. It used to be bad some days before my period but since I am on the pill again it shifted to the middle of the circle, got no explanation why. Meaning me being wide awake since 6 o'clock in the morning *sigh*

The last night was one Lin spend with me and we are connecting deeper and deeper. He is reaching out for me in a way which sometimes seems to be nearly desperate but not in a real negative sense. He is hungry for love, affection and nearness. He doesn't want to go back home and acclimatized quickly to our daily life. We are quiet and introverted people when it comes to our social life. Sward and I like to stay home, watching films, cook, go for a walk with the dog or just talk when the daily chores and work is done in the evening. Sometimes we visit my sister or parents who live next door or go over to get some coffee and check in with our neighbours on the other side who are really close friends. But on a normal evening this is the maximum we do and Lin adjusted himself to this as if he had never done something else. He likes my family, our friends and vice versa.

He and Sward talked about the time management and sleeping arrangement and as I predicted, they changed the next two nights to be Sward's. I love how communication works between them. Normally, Sward comes home from work, telling us how his day was like, Lin and I are preparing dinner around that time and later on Lin and Sward leave me alone, going for a walk with the dog or just sitting outside for a smoke (just Lin smokes, a medical measure because his data used to be more stable when he smokes, strange phenomena, I know) and talk about the situation. They are absolutely open with each other, and it seems to help a lot that there is someone right at hand who has the same problems each of them is facing on his own as well.

Biggest issue for both of them is the parting in the evening and the turn on the sofa. Dark thoughts tend to kick in when they are alone at night, knowing that the other is in the bedroom with me. They are not on the level 'I can't stand this, please stop!' or something like that, both of them told me that it's just a complete new situation they need to adjust to. And both seem to do reasonably better with every day that goes by.

There is an individual problem for each of them as well. Sward is having a hard time with being away for work in this situation. Lin and I spend the whole day together and he sees me for some hours in the evening. Additionally they are having some problems at work, the economic crisis' negative effects are taking their toll on them. His job isn't endangered but he has to deal with wage cuttings. In regard to time the situation isn't different to the normal one, but he feels the need to connect more often and deeply with me at the moment, which is normal I suppose. But we are all aware of this and yesterday evening Lin left for bed earlier to give us some time to snuggle and talk.

Lin's problem on the other hand is the long time Sward and I already spent together. Every time we talk about things that happened in the past he tends to feel excluded and sees the deep connection between us, the harmony that has survived through the years and the steadiness of the bygone relationship. It seems to be intimidating for him to recognize all that is already there between us and the small amount of common ground he and I share. He knows that it isn't reasonable to compare and he knows that there will be similar experiences that he and I are able to share after some time has passed, but reason and emotion tend to go different ways and end up without coming to an agreement in the end.

All in all we are doing well, I think. As Sward announced he hugged and cuddled Lin as much as possible and Lin got used to his way of showing affection and friendship. The view of the 6'6 Sward hugging the 5'9 Lin is priceless. I myself am 6'3 and Sward and I started to immediately tease and squeeze and cuddle Lin because he appears so cute and tiny next to us. Physical touch is really important to all of us, therefore there is always a hand on the waist, arm, neck or wherever whenever we are out together. And I love this dynamic that evolved between us over such a short period of time.
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