How do I ask for more time/attention?
Hi everyone! I know I haven't been contributing much this past month..and now i come online when i need help again.. :S
So things have kind of settled between M, H, and I. M and H seem to be making some pretty big steps towards resolving their communication issues, and though their relationship still needs lots of time and work to completely heal, they feel they are ready to concentrate part of their energies on me too! this is a happy thing! after some pretty heavy discussions, weve all come to the conclusion that we eventually want to live together as a fidelious(with option to open again once we're more solid)triad. Between M (my girlfriend!!!) and me, things have been going great !(except for this minor hiccup: whenever we go on dates, we have so many ideas for all the activities we want to DO, that we end up returning to my appartment too late and tired for anything more than sleepy cuddles-we're working on this activity-frenzied tendency :P) we have a sleepover on average once a week, have a few good half-hour IM chats duing the week, and chat on the phone on her late night at work. These conversations always leave me feeling satisfied and loved, in part thanks to the fact that M and I are pretty similar in terms of our needs to freely express our feelings and our affectionate natures(cause we're ladies? i dont know, all the men ive dated before were not very stereotypical 'strong silent type manly men' :P)
NOW here is my issue..with H, he is SO busy at work i know, and returns home exhausted with many more tasks to do before the day is done. so its VERY rare that we would ever chat when he is at home. M usually has their only phone on her, so calling him at home isnt really an option. well chat when were both at work, a couple of exchanges, which, in my rational mind i know are short and maybe a little abrupt because hes BUSY and WORKING, but emotionnaly i feel like i interpret as being cold and a little removed. we see each other once a week, but usually after ive asked 3 or 4 times when hes free,(has trouble knowing when, again, BUSY and STRESSED!!)when we do see each other, all together or alone, usually its wonderful! yes, he has a lot of stress, and is kind of an introvert and needs a bit of alone time even on date nights, but this is a part of his personality i think i know now, and i no longer interpret this as him needing time away from ME.(i have some little insecurity issues, can you tell?)) but i dont feel like all my needs for emotional connection with him are met by one 3 hour date per week.i dont want to make any more demands on his time, but I DO need to know that hes thinking of me when im not around, and as we are still new and im still sometimes insecure about his feelings and my position in this new relationship, i need reassurance from him(practically, what i want would be one or 2 sweet emails, maybe a surprise phone call per week...or a chat when he isnt so busy!). but at this point, after a few explosive chats, and many times of feeling rejected (and resentful)when he had to leave abruptly online, my self-esteem issues and insecurities are in super-flare mode! I dont know how to calm myself down and bring myself out of this emotional spiral long enough to clearly express my feelings and needs without presenting them like some sort of disease i have that needs curing, or some accusation that he hasnt been meeting them in the past. I want to present it light heartedly, like something nice and fun, because thats what it will be! please help me get over myself!!
Last edited by Io55; 10-23-2009 at 10:26 AM.