Originally Posted by sagency
For example, when K (my mono wife) has giving birth to L (our only child--a son), she very nearly died. So I know that I have the capacity for anxiety 10.
Yes, I too certainly imagine certain circumstances could raise my anxiety to that level.
I'm also in a stable and very long term relationship (15 years), and I seldom have much reason to worry about it ending (though, of course, it will one day, if only due to death--sigh).
My other romantic love interest/sort-of-partner (we're in a vague place with definitions because [See River's Blog]), well I have no doubt that I'm in love with her, and she says she's feelin' it too, so this is pretty amazing -- 'cause this just doesn't happen often in my life. (Which is an understatement.) Yet I feel little anxiety about potential loss or rejection. And I think this is due to (a), my having grown up and matured a lot (b) She and I are just amazingly compatible and really, really appreciate one another (c) I'm deeply committed to dharma practice ("Buddhism"), which involves practicing being present with what is--this moment--and maintaining a relaxed and open attitude toward the future (and the past), aka, nonattachment. (She's also a dharma person, which is one of our astonishingly many commonalities.)