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Old 08-10-2011, 05:31 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Oh honey, you're not a packet of ketchup that's expected to get passed around and squeezed out onto your guys' french fries every time you're together.

Let's say you're with Romeo one night and don't feel like getting it on. There's nothing wrong with snuggles, intimacy, and closeness without actual sex. There's nothing wrong with playing fricking Scrabble when together, without having sex. Quality time is quality time. You build your closeness on the things that make each other happy, whether there is sex or not.

And if the next (or another) night in the same week, you are with another guy, you are again not obligated to fuck. But if you want to and it happens, what does it have to do with Romeo (beyond any agreements you have for safer sex and so on)? You don't have to report back to Romeo that you had sex with the other dude, although I'm sure he's want to know that the relationship had gotten to that stage. You can't make sure everyone gets the same amount and bits of you. These are two separate relationships, and each deserve to grow and evolve in their own ways and according to what feels right.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-10-2011 at 05:40 PM.
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