Sagency wrote: "As such, first I would figure out whether you are poly or swing. Then I'd work on finding someone who appreciates you also also shares your core image for your relationship. M can be a loved partner during this time and may continue as such, but it doesn't seem like she'll ever fulfill the desire that is causing you disquiet."
My reply: "Sport fucking".... Hmmm. From what I've picked up from this site, most folks here don't like the idea of sex simply for the sake of sex/physical pleasure. To the point of distain... To each their own. Be and let be. As long as there is respect, mutual consent and no deceit I don't see anything "wrong" with it. "Ethical Slutizm" perhaps.
I also know some/most people can't imagine having sex without love/intimacy/relationship/trust. Personally I prefer sex with the love/intimacy/trust, but very much enjoy having "relations" with a small variety of people.
Although I don't feel "dedicated" love for my couple friends, durring our once a month or so get togethers we might watch a movie, sometimes have lunch or diner, socialize, I've stayed the weekend once or twice at one of the couples weekend island house. What doesn't seem necessary is to talk about feelings or intimate things, with my couple friends that's the difference... to me anyway.
My whole dilema is that I DO feel love/intimacy/trust with M on many levels intelectually and emotionally AND our physical relationship is...was... incredibly fantastic.Our relationship was not physicly based by far and I want to make that clear, but for both of us it was important.
In an email recently M said: " Have you considered coming out to the forum and saying you are bi? Revealing the whole of you is risky but may be freeing. It was pointed out to me early on that I can NEVER meet all of your needs particularly sexually..." personally I don't remember "pointing out" that she could "NEVER" meet all of my needs...
Anyway, Im not sure why she feels it would be "freeing", I thought it was implied some time before that I am Bi, but I certainly am not hiding anything deliberatley. The aspects of bisexuality I enjoy are for me, exactly that...sexual. Enjoyable, yes... But only a small part of my "complete" sexuality. Perhaps she can't meet all of my sexual needs but she most certainly satisfied damn near every sexual desire I've ever had. Similarly, a guy can't completely satisfy a womans every desire if she likes to be with other women sexually.
However you did put things in very real perspective... Our ideas of ideal relationships are fundimentally different, and as you said: "As such, your destination partner is not M."
That was a very difficult and very reluctant realization.
You are gently helping to further confirm this. It has taken me a very long time.
Last edited by islandgy9; 08-08-2011 at 07:30 PM.