Originally Posted by ClariceK
When we met her she told us she was experienced and had another "3 way relationships" to the point that her daughter wouldn't think it odd for 3 people to be in bed together because she had seen it before... Had she said that she did have other interests we would have discussed it...
As for her moving in, it was put to us that she either moved in or she would be homeless... She met hubby playing a game online. and she pursued things much harder then he did and then he introduced us. She immediately told me that she had "cervical cancer" which I have now come to believe was only because I run a Cancer Non Profit and she thought that it would endear her to me... Once she moved in she suddenly didn't have cancer anymore. Your right that I didn't rock the boat because of the kid. I felt that having the kid have to move into a homeless shelter was worse then trying to give her a stable home life.
This is the first "single unemployed mom" that hubby and I have been with, the other s have been professional, highly educated, intelligent women, and those relationships have ended very amicably with us being friends to this day but they have pursued other relationships. The difference is that when they had feelings for others they came to us and didn't deny it over and over again, they came to us and said "I have been talking with so and so and I am not sure this is where I need to be right now" and we have agreed to go our own ways... We have had about 6 relationships in the last 15 years of being together. Of those 6, the longest was over 3 years long and the only reason that ended was because of us having to move because of hubbys work and her not being able to move because of hers...
I have learned my lesson about young uneducated single mothers who are willing to lie and say whatever they need to take care of their children and their needs. I have also learned why sometimes what is said "stereotypically" isn't always just a bias and many times comes from true experiences that MANY have had. As for my wanting a child, it wasn't that we were looking to have a child, but it was kinda a situation where once the child was there we came to love her as our own.
Yep, she sounds like an opportunist who has a somewhat sporadic relationship to truth (how come she was able to go live in her old place after all?) and is willing to bluff to get her way. And sorry for being so in your face, I honestly thought this was your first foray in to poly (the thread was for some reason moved into the New to Poly-section). If it has worked for you before, I shouldn't be throwing judgement your way. Obviously there are women out there who are willing to go with the 'take it or leave it'-OPP for other than purely survivalist reasons.
Just out of curiosity; did you meet your previous partners accidentally, or through advertising/poly meet-ups? I'm wondering whether the 'selection pool' so to speak has an effect on poly success.
And sorry about the kid. She seemed to be willing to gamble in order to be able to give a better home environment for her kid, which is understandable. However, I think it's generally a better idea to start looking into intentional communities and some such if you are struggling with making ends meet alone than to throw yourself into a romantic situation and hope it will work out.
I have no issues whatsoever with triads. I was in a burgeoning one until recently (check the nick
). But it is true what you said; I also thought I could prove the bad reputation of triads wrong with my absolutely superior relationship skills because everyone who said that FMF triads tend to fizzle out after the initial excitement runs out just didn't know what they were talking about
Another strike of curiosity; if both of you are interested in dating other women, have you tried to do it separately also?