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Old 08-08-2011, 01:26 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

I thought long about posting here, since I fear this topic triggers me a bit. Anyway, here goes.

Why do the two of you desire to embark on a polyship? Especially when you recognize that he is not a good communicator and the two of you are very poor with boundary maintenance (moving somebody with severe financial difficulties in despite having agreed that it is not a good idea, and then declining to bring things up for the fear of 'upsetting the boat' - really, there is simply no such situation where a move-in of one partner becomes unavoidable). If you both or your husband in particular desire to experience non-biological parenthood, why not look into fostering opportunities in your area?

Secondly, why are you so obsessed with this particular relationship form (polyfi/OPP triad)? Why does your hubs feel the need to be the only man in the lives of his partners? Are there some unresolved insecurity issues out there?

Let me be frank; feel free to go and hunt out another unicorn. Your insistence on form over content in your relationships will surely scare away any independent, experienced and stimulating self-identified poly women and leave you with the younger, poorly educated, unemployed single mothers with financial dependency issues. Once NRE fades and real life, including attractions to other people, sets in, they will soon be on their way towards a more conventional lifestyle.

Your attachment to the idea of one man-two women seems to override any and all reason and makes you sound somewhat naive. In NRE, people make all sorts of promises, including the whole 'I am totally happy with just the three of us and will never look at another man again'. They might even think they mean it. It's a natural part of the nesting process. Another point you made that really struck me about your post was how you had thought beforehand that if your unicorn were to develop feelings towards somebody else, you would just break things off. Hello? You honestly think it would have been as easy as that? 'Cool, so you fancy someone else? Fine, let's break it off. You obviously don't love us no more and we certainly don't love you, now that you have completely changed as a person overnight. Oh, yeah, maybe your girl might be a little attached to us by now and used to living in here, but hey, shit happens, right?'

On the other hand, the way how you described hiding your head in the bushes when her attraction to this old friend became clear makes me think that maybe it wasn't so easy after all?

Next time, do a little reading beforehand and make sure you have your own shit worked out (communication, insecurity, belief that human emotions can somehow be managed rationally as you would manage your shares) and look for someone equal. Not equal as in relationship, but someone who is of the same age, educational background, financial situation and who has already some experience in poly and can make informed choices about whether to get involved with you and with the rules you set out.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower

Last edited by BlackUnicorn; 08-08-2011 at 01:28 PM.
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