I think you need to let it go... and so do they. There has to be consideration/empathy/compassion for metamours, partners and for the hinge of a vee in these kinds of things. It isn't okay that they are hurt because you are struggling to create a balance so that they will be happy. I know that is a hard thing to ask for, but it might be worth pointing out that they also have to work it out with you. Sometimes I get my two guys, whom I live with, to take the burden of responsibility of my shoulders and put it on theirs and decide between them where I will be and where I will sleep and who I will spend time with when. Its hard work balancing EVERYTHING and frankly, I don't think it has to fall on one person. I have found it builds strong relationships to be that involved in every aspect... separating metamours and trying to do all the work of making them happy seems to end in a pile of resentment, stress and unnecessary dependence.
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