I did straight up ask him about the cuckhold part
And he swears thats not what he wants. THings have been a ton better since the big melt down and hes opening up and talking to me again. Guess he didnt realize he just quit talking and being my best friend. So now hes making it a point to tell me about his feelings etc. When I ask a question its fully answered. Which puts me so much more at ease. We have discussed a ton of things in the past couple weeks. He said he was super confused and afraid he just wasnt what I wanted anymore. And admitted most of it was in his head. He now says he wants someone who is going to love me the way he does. Thats going to be there when he is as well as when he is not.
Im sure there are going to be other roller coaster rides..just hope they are just shallow dips and swells rather than a major drop off lol. The open communication is one thing we were missing there for a bit. And mostly it was due to stress he wasnt talking about. He just shut down on everything for awhile. And with that ended up with miscommunication, and arguing that made the yoyo effect go full throttle. Honestly turning into a clusterfuck of emotions that had us both reeling. When I just hit a point that I wasnt going to argue. That I would rather walk out the door go to my best female friend...Well I sat there for awhile. Just talking with her(shes known us both for almost as long as hubs and I have been married) and venting my frustrations to you guys and her..well I was finally able to handle hearing what he had to say. Expecting him to not want this anymore . But instead finding out he just needed reassurance and also had to work it out in his own head.
Things have been tons better