Originally Posted by just3
... But yet has said I should get the divorce ....
That sounds like the best advice offered so far, in my opinion. Until he steps up and deals with his issues, the relationship issues will only continue. You, by yourself, can't decide to work out the relationship issues because he has to be involved. Until he mans up enough to show up and work on all the issues confronting him, you're stuck with a dysfunctional relationship.
If you clear out, that will provide him a stark reminder that there are consequences to actions. In this instance, it would be consequences for neglecting to deal with his issues and those present in his marriage. It also provides him with space so that he can deal with his issues, should he decide to do so.
Unless, of course, you actually don't mind the roller coaster. You say you're dissatisfied and want to change things. What you've done thus far is keep riding the roller coaster. When it comes down to it, what people *do* is a far more accurate measure of what they want than what they *say*. What you're doing indicates you want to ride the roller coaster.