I really appreciate the input and varied views guys, ty........you have both made me stop and think, and realize from a different angle or two, all that is going on in this arrangement......what a view, different sets of experienced eyes are able to see......and make me see, glass half empty or half full?......like "making love to"...... d'oh! of course!!!!
It makes sense to me now. In the past 10-15 years as work and family pressures/medical worries crept into our lives, I always felt that I was more making love "to her"...right or wrong, that she had become almost entirely passive in the lovemaking process......but it was and is still great with her and I don't want that to end! Our love life meets certain inate needs for both of us, that's for sure. She has been incredibly understanding to take on this relationship so far into our own marriage.
I am a health care provider and it's in my wiring to give......I can't be any other way....on the other hand our 3rd, our best friend is very active in the lovemaking process and it feels as though it is different in that it's more "making love with" her.....because her wants and needs after coming out of her own failed long term marriage were very different....... and very fulfilling to me, to be able to participate in/provide. Not that it's "better" than with my wife, more like "complimentary" and really rounding out my inner soul, if that makes sense. It is also fantastic and meets other needs I seem to crave/have. I am so lucky to have the love of both of these fantastic women.
I need to make sure I can continue to meet all their needs and be the person/man they both need me to be.....I really can't afford to mess this up. And yes, above all the sex and lovemaking.....the comaraderie and freindship we 3 share on a daily basis is very gratifying on many levels. That's living life LARGE.....and it's great!