Well I'm the rainbow puker, here, hoping to give you a little positive encouragement!
While there are many people struggling here, I think most of us agree that living polyamorously makes us happier than trying to force ourselves into monogamy. While there are lots of ups and downs, and they are perhaps more extreme than those of a conventional relationship, it's worth it to have the love in your life that you need.
I wish you the best. There is nothing wrong with having a dream and hoping it will come true! I do think some of your comments reflect a more idealistic approach, but LIFE will give you the knocks, so I'm gonna wish you some "sunshine farts" to balance it out!