Originally Posted by nycindie
What you wrote was very telling. Perhaps the first most important step in letting go of your insecurities is to stop thinking of the women you date as your possessions.
Indeed nycindie! It's a big transition of consciousness.
I had another thought a little while ago though. If you'll allow me to put my David Attenborough hat on for a moment
From what I know about the psychology of relationships, much of it is rooted in primal ape like behavior, our personal beliefs etc don't even enter into the decisions we make in the process of our attraction and courtship.
Women are drawn to characteristics of a man like his self-confidence (usually stopping short of being aggressive), this would also include how cool he is under pressure. (Women love a man who remains witty and charming and unaffected by sexual insecurity.) Lots of subtle cues tip a woman's primal brain off about when she is in the presence of an alpha male. I wouldn't even be surprised if there are a whole host of pheromones involved or subtle chemical, body language, and other subliminal cues that trigger a woman's attraction.
In fact I think what I'm saying is based on all those documentaries I've watched over the years about these things. You know those one's about the mechanics of human interaction...
So they don't relise they're doing it, but women are programmed to seek after the alpha male. Younger apes, are less cool under the pressure of courtship, are more sexually needy etc. The same is true of younger men, and this is one reason why young women mature faster and usually prefer to date older men. It's all there in evolution ;0P
Men are also primitively attuned to this, which is why it's so hard for men to break the cycle of being possessive, and seeking alpha male status.
It's a vicious cycle and it's not just the fault of men's or women's genetics,
both sexes primitive psychology creates the patterns of behavior that lead to polygamy and monogamy.
The way I see it society has thrown out polygamy as the main institution of romantic relationship in society, and moved to monogamy. Now times are continuing to change, and social progression demands that people be able to enjoy any kind of relationship they choose to be in without fear of social reprimand.
That's my take on it anyway.