Top Ten List
For years, the wife and I had a top ten list; that is, a list of ten famous people if given the opportunity we would jump into bed with.
It was the wife that introduced me to this game, long before we were open or had ever heard of the word polyamory. You can probably tell a lot about the dynamic of a couple from the things they laugh and joke about, and how secure they are in their relationship. If you can't stand to hear your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse list a bunch of people they find attractive, and confess to each other "yeah, I'd do 'em", then what chance do you have at being poly?
What this little game does is acknowledge a fundamental truth: that we are physically attracted to multiple people. There's no denying it! I'm not talking about love. This is pure unadulterated lust and desire. We all have it.
Yet we often try to deny it, or at least try to hide it.
For many people, the simple act of staring at another women or fantasizing about other men can be seen as a betrayal! Take me for example. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have looked at porn on and off (mostly on) for the past 25 years, ever since I was 13 or so. What's more, this has never been something that has bothered my wife. As far as she is concerned, men are aroused by visual images. You can try and stop them from doing it, but you will always be met with failure. Her friend, on the other hand, hates that her husband watches porn. it's disgusting and something to be ashamed of. So he has to hide it.
So I am curious about how many couples there are here - that before they even become polyamorous - knew and accepted that their partner was a sexual creature attracted to other people. Perhaps you joked about their "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". May be you asked each other whether they found a mutual friend attractive, and were never threatened by the answer.