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Old 08-05-2011, 06:15 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

I'm sure you're not going to like a lot of what I'm about to say here but I think that it needs to be said. It doesn't seem to me like you gave your gf much of an opportunity to be honest about developing feelings for someone else. If you and your husband had already decided that he would be the only man I can see how hard it would be for her to talk to the 2 of you about starting to have feelings for someone else.

As much as a triad might look good on paper there is usually a third wheel who doesn't feel 100% a part of the already established relationship (or the recently added person becomes much more attached to one partner than the other). From what I've read and experienced it's much better to go into any non-monogamous relationship with the idea of it being flexible and changeable. If there had been that openness right from the start about understanding that everyone has the potential to develop feelings for other people she would have been much more likely to have talked to you about what was going on for her.

Also you said that money had been an issue and you and your husband has just let it go. It would be my guess that this was part of the blowup. It's a good idea to talk about the little things as they come up so that resentment doesn't build and eventually blow up.

All in all I think this one needs to be chalked up to a learning experience. Next time you meet someone you'll know more and you'll be able to communicate better. I think a lot of us here have stories about complete disasters with early forays into poly. It does get easier.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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