When a Unicorn Plays in Other Pastures
My husband and I were in a 6 month relationship with a 24 year old Unicorn. The relationship was great for the first few months. About 3 months into the relationship the situation came up that her room in the house she was staying at was being given to another person, so she was kinda kicked out, she was told she could stay, but would have to bunk with her 5 year old daughter, which she wasnt a fan of. Hubby and I didn't want to move the relationship into the "moving in" stage so soon, but the situation as it was, invited her to come live with us. We gave her daughter her own room in our house, treated her daughter like she was our own, took her and her daughter on trips to the museum, and beach, we had a LOT of really good times!!
About 3 months ago she began talking to an old friend on Facebook, whenever either hubby or I looked at her screen she would minimize the chat (which she said was because she was looking at other pages, not because she was hiding anything) but hubby and I both said "she has the right to talk to whoever she wants to, we have the agreement that hubby will be the only man in the relationship, and we trust that is the case" and as time went by she talked to hubby and I less and less and him more and more. SHe lived with us for 3 months while talking to this man, meanwhile we supported her and her daughter financially, (she was receiving food stamps, which she considered her "contribution" but in reality that amount mostly fed her and her daughter) while she pretended to look for a job. She did find work, and it was agreed that she would use a portion of her paycheck to help with the bills. That didn't happen, instead her entire paychech was spent purchasing things for herself from the mall and wal mart. Hubby and I didnt say anything about it to her because well we would rather not start an issue and instead just let it go.
THis week things kinda came to a head when I realized that she had lied to us about a number of things. I got angry and had a blowup and yelled and screamed and told her that as far as I was concerned we were no longer i a relationship and that I was now considering it a roomate situation in which she was more then welcome to leave any time she wanted to. SHe handed hubby and I less then 10.00 for the gas and smokes we had bought her the last 6 months and then hubby drove her and her daughter to the house where she was living before. Hubby and I were very upset byt his breakup, as we both cared very much for her, we both viewed her daughter as ours, and we both tried hard to make things work.
This was on wednesday, I woke up this morning to read that her relationship status had been changed from "single" to "in a relationship with...." the man that she had spent months of using us financially while she she carried on a relationship with this man on the computer. If i thought i was hurt before, I had no idea for the amount of hurt that came from the knowledge that I was right about her using us, I was right about her not really caring about this relationship. I am very hurt and while Hubby is less hurt (because he feels as if he would rather have known now that she was using him then wait till 1 year or two down the line to find out) he still has the pain of loosing the closest thing he has ever had to a child. I hurt for him for that, but I also realize that staying in a relationship because you care more about the kids then the parents do is not a reason to maintain a relationship. I felt more hurt by the fact that she not only didnt take anything that we had given her daughter, but yelled at her daughter for asking to take things we had given her. With my background and knowledge of psychology she is teaching the little girl that she can't trust anyting and that anything she gets she had better be ready to give up because mom might not let you have it in the end. That is a scary and horrifying message to send a child. I have packed up the things and put them in a bag that I will drop at her moms work today, hopefully her mother will see that it only hurts the little girl to keep these things from her.
Hubby and I thought we wanted a triad, and we still do, but sometimes it seems easier to just be a swinger and walk away in the morning rather then invest our hearts into someone that is only there to take advantage and use us. Maybe we will get better at picking up on it sooner. I sure hope so cause this hurts.