That is EXACTLY what my issue is. I asked C to log in after work and answer your first question as honestly neither myself or Maca can answer what he gets out of it fairly.
I can answer and I'm pretty damn sure I know. But I feel he should speak for himself on that one.
I guess MY point is that I can grant Maca time to consider and contemplate what steps he needs taken to protect his inner self-because I really do see how hard he is working on dealing with it. But at the same time-there seems to be an issue for him in seeing that C is in a similar boat as Ceoli was. (not a triad-but he is a third).
When Maca read Ceoli's heartbreaking account of how her feelings were disregarded-it really tore him up. But he doesn't seem (I could be wrong-just saying what SEEMS to be) that he really see's the significance of C's position as being the same.
Ironically some of the issues you bring up aren't issues for C and I because we do have 16 1/2 years of deep loving friendship together and so we have a sense of confidence in the permanence of our relationship that many people don't have with their 3rd. The dynamics of our relationship may change, but as Mono said somewhere recently our love will never go away. We may change how we choose to show it-but we won't lose it.
Also-we aren't stuck in NRE at the moment-so there is no sense of "need" to be with one another every minute or talk every minute or whatever-which is something that often seems to make things a bit of a struggle when a couple first decides to go poly and one of them is in that it can increase their first partner's feelings of insecurity and concern of being "not good enough". For us that isn't an issue.
I can confidently say that C and I neither one want to do anything to make life harder for Maca. We both love him. While C has no desire to be intimate with Maca and Maca has no desire to be intimate with C, C does love Maca and respect him and is uninterested in "replacing" him in anyway.
I don't foresee sex being something that would happen between the three of us- or in front of each other ever. Not that I wouldn't LOVE to have both of them torment me lovingly in that way together, but each of them is shy about that for different reasons.
I make a point of waiting for Maca to step away before I kiss C. I have no need to make him feel competitive. There's no competition in my mind. In fact, I kiss one and I long to kiss the other. I make love to one and I long to make love to the other, doesn't matter which one-I just suddenly want to share all the happy loving feelings with whoever isn't there. I LOVE making love to each of them-they are totally different in bed and I love holding both of them too.
Anyway! Now I will shut up again and watch for replies!