Thread: Hello from NY!
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Old 10-22-2009, 07:41 PM
MRC2009 MRC2009 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Sounds like you two have a bit of a chore ahead sorting things out. I don't hear any mention of a 3rd yet. Is he anticipating desiring someone and just being proactive by declaring his poly-ness? Or is there a 3rd you haven't yet spoken of yet. Regardless...you will get some very good advice and feedback on these forums.

No there is no 3rd (yet)! I've asked my husband to not look for anyone until we can sort through things. He said that he can do that. Sadly most people I've talked to about this seems to think that he may have someone already. I ask and he keeps saying no. I want to believe him.

- Pregnancy
I see this as a big red flag. Bringing anyone into the world is a huge deal. You two really need to be on-board any decisions in this matter. He needs to take your concerns much more seriously than he seems to. Especially since a child would bind whomever you meet permanently to your lives, and so early in your poly-adventure...seems dangerous to me.

I've tried to explain my feelings about this to him. I don't understand why he isn't willing to work with me on this. He said that if he finds someone that he falls in love with and they want a child then he will give it to them. He has convinced himself that because I have fertility issues that I will never be able to give him any children. I told him that no one knows what's going to happen and that he could be worrying himself over nothing. I've been clear that this is a deal breaker for me! It seems as though he's willing to lose me over something like this.

- Your desire/needs for companionship
As the "mono" one in my relationship (my wife has a BF), I also find there to be a desire for someone else in my life. Does this make me poly? I don't think so, but I don't know. We've even discussed this. I feel that I wouldn't see another person in my life even remotely the same as I see my wife. But at this time she would have an issue with that. Regardless of my own personal dilemma, I wanted you to know that from my perspective (which I see similar to yours) I know where you are coming from.

I understand what you are saying. For me I honestly don't know if I could be with someone else. When my husband gave me the "OK" to see someone else it didn't make me happy. I feel the same way you do, I wouldn't see another person the same way I see my husband. For me I'm not a causal sex type person. There has to be meaning and feelings behind it. And I don't know if I could allow myself to feel that way for someone other than my husband.
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