My 2 cents...
Therapy sounds good. Do it, get a professional, objective opinion. Likely it will agree with alot of the feedback here.
As far as lists? Sounds like he came up with "this great idea" to outline his needs. Good for him - but this might not work for YOU. You both need to find ways to express your needs/wants, but lists might be HIS way of doing this, not yours.
Keep communicating, but it doesn't always have to be on his terms following his rules.