Thanks for the very pointed feedback. I can say that we have taken action regarding her job. She has a part time job now. She is not thrilled with the job and I am helping her with her search for something more rewarding. She may end up back in school (looking into this now). So it's not all about T and me and sex. It's about her search for happiness and meaning in her life now that she has spent so much time as a mom. I totally support her in that. And she is turning optimistic now that she sees that I am there for her in her search. So the picture to me isnt so grim. The crAppy part is that she thought that she could not expect my support as she tried to change. That's partly my fault for being the same old husband for so long. She assumed the worst and acted accordingly. I think she now sees that if she is fair and honest, I actually might be helpful. And her optimism is making everyone around her feel better, which in turn makes her feel better. What a great cycle that can become. Finally a chance for all the pessimism to turn positive.
I know all this can change at any moment. I am still not taking a long view. Taking small steps day by dAy.
Thanks again. All your insights are very helpful.