"Loving someone completely and fully including the parts that mean your relationship is going to be shaped differently then you feel like you want. Right now I say "feel like you want" because it doesn't sound like you've been able to give what she is asking for a fair shot just yet and that might take time."
My girlfriend, M , is extreemely indipendent. She relishes time on her own, by herself doing her own thing most of the time. *When I asked her the following question: "Ideally, *how much time per week would you like to spend together?" her reply was three days/nights a week with texts/phone calls in between.
**Most guys I know would give their right arm for a part time relationship like that. *I imagine most polyfolk would like that too because it allows time for other loves. I have tried for about a year to adjust from my desire for a 'full' time relationship, ie. a Live in situation, to basicly finding other things to do alone when I would much rather be sharing experiences together. Im the kind of guy that truly enjoys the combined energy two "like minded" people share. *I know there are some folks both poly and mono that place autonomy in the highest regard. *Well, after soul searching this I have decided to hold my ground on my beliefs through experience that there is, FOR ME (not yelling, just emphasizing) a beautiful third energy created by establishing a soul based intimacy that has only happened in relationships where a significant portion of each day and nights are spent literally together. I fully understand this must be wanted by both partners but I have lived it and *for me and my partners at the time was the most wonderfully thing I have ever experienced. *It's not chemicals/NRE ,it's real, an everpresent sense of energy shared by two (possibly more I suppose) that only happens with time. *If 'confronted' about this "wonderful soul based shared energy, third entity state of being" that I know exists, I'll explain further.*
*I want to experience that feeling again on a full time basis. *I suppose it's not for everybody... M does not want it. * **
I understand she can't offer any more than she is, I just don't know how to "love fully" when she prefers to be elswhere or how to feel fulfilled with three days a week when any more than that makes her feel like she needs to get away...*
I'm not denouncing autonomy and indipendence if that's what works for the relationship, I want more involvement that's all. *M doesn't, I'm trying to find a way to be more fluid. * * * *