I wrote this in a PM tonight on jealousy... perhaps it will help answer one of the three for you.
Jealousy is the result of having fear and insecurity that goes beyond the actual perceived cause of jealousy. If you can break down your emotions into several ones then you can look at each and work with them. Jealousy is not one emotion. If you find out the root of the issues then you can walk through them and usually the jealousy subsides the more understanding you have.... I have written this on many threads over and over again... but the threads that I would read are KatTail's and Mohegan's (blogs and threads) and the thread called "poly lessons we have learned"
It sounds like you have done some of this... maybe more?
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM