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Old 08-04-2011, 03:21 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships?
Very. Using a relationship to create self esteem is only a temporary fix. Having moments where it is lacking, a healthy relationship can allow for and encourage growth. But at least for me, I believe there needs to be a strong sense of self in order to have a healthy relationship.

How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?
Having someone in your life that has faith in you when you do not, can help you to move forward faster. It can be a boost to finding your self worth. But again I think it is personal growth, not something someone else can provide. I do think that having that support can provide a safe place to step out of the hole of low self esteem that may have become a comfort level.
On a scale of 0 -10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healty self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?
The last year... I've probably bounced from 4-9. Average about 7 or so.
Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?
Not really. I've been a pretty steady 7-8 the last few months.
If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?

Even though it's been steady, I'd say I changed from last years low to this years highs because of the personal work I've done. Karma and I had a long list of things we needed to work on when we decided not to divorce. For me it was an awakening of sorts. I rediscovered my ability to depend on myself for validation and that went a long way towards raising self esteem. I feel empowered in the ability to openly discuss things with Karma. I no longer feel like I shouldn't be feeling a certain emotion, I own it and figure out what it says about the situation and how it needs handled/addressed.

Entering onto this path with Karma has made me really look at myself. I had to address the "I'm not enough and that's why he needs someone else." as well as the "I'm a fool because he cheated." That last one was really an eye opener. Removing the blame and shame from myself and placing it where it belonged. I was not the one who cheated, I was not the one who lied, and while I played some part in the downfall of our marriage, I am not to blame for his actions. That was really freeing and empowering for me. I gained back a lot of self worth/self esteem when I took charge of my life.
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