How can I be "less"?
Ok... I'm stuck.
I have gone back and forth , round and round. I could really use a different perspective on how to accomplish getting past a seemingly obvious impass in a relationship. I need help acceiving fluidity. *....in the dynamics of the relationship, not as in fluid bonding.... just to make sure we are all on the same page here. - said with tounge in cheek.-
I've posted before and several of you have been wonderfully compassionate and empathetic. Others "inspired" a deeper exploration of core beliefs that stripped me naked forcing me to decide how I want to live my life and how I want to love in my life. *I now believe there are choices of how one wants to love, yes choices, that is if one chooses to love at all. *It is an individuals choice as to what love is, be it unconditional or refined or something in between. The "sucess" of your love depends on the compatability of the individuals involved in relation to their ideals of love.
That's the irony, I truly believe this but I can't seem to apply it with my girlfriend.
The confusing part of all this is that I have the capacity of being *a 'friend and more'... My gf and I both have them active in our lives presently. *Be that as it may, agree or disagree here is my question:
Why can't I be "less" for my girl friend...?
*My 'question' started getting long.... So the following is more of the same with *relevant quotes from my girlfriend.*
My gf and I have incompatible ideals for what we want in a relationship. *Simple as that. She does not want what I do. I want much more involvement with her than she does. I know this, she knows this yet I can't manage to simply be an occasional lover. *She feels this way: "I can be SOME of your life and someone you can lean on &talk to...but not ALL of anything." Straightforward and honest.
*The issues have been identified, we have been compleetly honest, we have come a long way in communicating our wants, everything is known and understood. *I suppose you could say we have irreconcilable differences.
After almost two years of struggle I have to get past this for both our sakes. I know she can't give me what I want and she is too kind to tell me to f-off.
I have stopped kidding myself that she may change her feelings, but I can't seem to move on from mine. *I can't seem to downsize my feelings and simply enjoy what she can offer. There seems to be a spector like presence that is awkward to say the least. *She saying: "My lower back where I carry tension hurts as do my hand another tension area, over the past couple days when i thought about seeing you..." I don't want her to feel this way... IG