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Old 08-04-2011, 02:17 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Come on now, you can trust yourself to exercise restraint. You seem to be saying that the mere sight of someone attractive will make you fall instantly in love with them and your penis will jump out of your pants. You're not at the mercy of your lusts and desires, man.
You haven't met my penis.

It's only partly the fear of a love-at-first-sight situation that keeps me in. It's also the worry that my wife would misconstrue me going out while she's away as me "looking for some." Perhaps I think she's more insecure than she is, but I did not want her to have anything to worry about (or fuel her imagination) while she's away, so I've pretty much forced myself to sit in the corner until she comes back.

Originally Posted by nycindie
I think this kind of thinking may be coming out of your wishing things would move more quickly and perhaps feeling a little sorry for yourself. I think you can go out and enjoy attractions to people, see who you're drawn to, and even flirt a little without worrying. No one's gonna break your heart by fluttering their eyelids at you.
Let's try a different metaphor. I'm working on taking off a few pounds. I don't go out to a place that's renowned for its desserts, eyeball the dessert cart, hang around for awhile, and then leave. More simply, I just don't go. Why torment myself with what I cannot have?

Originally Posted by nycindie
If I were you, I'd focus on the positive - the fact that your wife has begun to allow talking about it, despite her fears, and acknowledged that you have attractions. This may not seem enough for you, but it's HUGE for her.
Yes, I know. I keep remembering that last conversation, trying to wring out a little more patience from it. It's so easy, meanwhile, to talk myself into anger, resentment, and depression, and to want to pack up her stuff so she can be ready to leave me, so that I can get on with my life. No, I don't really want that, either--it just seems to me, right now, like I get a shit sandwich either way: bottle up my feelings and live with the heartbreak to keep her, or "live poly" and lose both her and my son.

Yeah, I can see how you'd say I'm feeling sorry for myself. I need some sleep.

You suggested that I have more freedom than I had before. I don't know that that is true. Yes, she's acknowledged that I have other attractions, but we have not discussed me going out to meet people, either with her or without her. It doesn't help that she has to be cajoled into going places where she doesn't know anyone. Almost invariably, she has a good time, but she does not seem to want to remember that, and she resists.

The Austin poly group has twice-monthly dinners. I'd like to get her out to one, but I'm honestly afraid to ask.
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