First off, I think I need to clarify a few things.....when I posted about moving in, I just wanted to throw it out there because its something we have been chit chatting about for the past month or two and just wanted some feedback.
We established the one year rule....at a year, we'd start planning to move in together if we were all still happily on the same page in this relationship. We are don't have a realtor or a contractor...we're not really looking at moving in "right now" and even if we were, it would take many months for us to either remodel Jamee and Poppa's downstairs for me and the kids, buy or build a house. So no worries on that....we're not moving in right away. We are just wondering if its time for us to start working on it considering the amount of time its going to take to accomplish that.
Besides just actually figuring out which house we are going to live in, we have to figure out where we are going to live. We live in an extremely conservative area.
Our relationship has not been or ever will be well-received by the general public outside of our good friends and even most of them think we're all crazy for thinking this type of relationship can actually work. (We are one of only 2 poly relationships we know of locally-both poly-fi triads-and between the 3 of us, we know everybody 'round here! haha) So, we have considered moving out of the area....which would mean leaving mine and Jamee's families, the kids' schools and friends, 3 very good jobs and alot of our close friends and contacts.
Those would be HUGE sacrifices that would make our lives much harder, so either way, moving in may be great for us within the four walls of our house, but in dealing with the outside world, would make our life much harder and everybody knows that those kinds of stressors can ultimately ruin a relationship.
Originally Posted by River
What are the criteria of a decision as to when is too soon? Could it be too soon for some people while not too soon for another set of people?
What does it mean for it to be too soon?
I wish I had the answer to that....if I was in a strictly mono relationship, I would be ready. I have never moved this fast with anybody and I've only had one other longterm, live in relationship (my marriage). I am not a person who ever jumps in and out of relationships. I really enjoy being single and was actually single for 3 years before this relationship. I casually date but never get serious unless I really know that I am with someone I can be with for a long time.
Idk what is too soon except that it is very individual to each relationship and we are trying to really think about this before we make an rash moves.
Originally Posted by nycindie
Pinky, you said: "the longer this relationship goes on, the more we all kinda feel like waiting that long may hurt our relationship more than help it." Red flag!!!
Furthermore, if I go back and read this thread from the beginning, I see that in the short amount of time you have all been together, it has been a rollercoaster with several dramas played out already. Now you've had a lull in the drama for, oh, maybe a couple of weeks now, and everyone's like, "Ooh, this is bliss! Why wait?" Do you see the hastiness in that attitude? How good can you stand it, right now, just as it is?
Saying - I thought not living together would hurt our relationship - came out the wrong way. That really goes back to the convenience factor. Its just a huge pain keeping up two houses and shuffling everybody back and forth. We are together everyday. It is rare that there is ever a time that all 3 of us are separated except during work.
We aren't thinking of moving in together just because we had a big fight and blissful make-up. We have been mulling over moving in together for quite awhile.....if it seemed that we all of a sudden had this great idea, after the last fight, because of the order of posting on here. It really just was a coincidence. I have been online more and it was something I have been wanting to get feedback on for awhile.
Also, Jamee and I looked back over this thread and were amazed at how MISERABLE we all looked! You'd think all we did was fight....so we wanted to start posting about the positive things.
And just one side note about the 3 of us.....we are all pretty intense, passionate people. The drama, although it surely will become less and less frequent as time goes on, will never end between us. I can see that in the forecast already.
We all accept it about each other. It actually makes The "3" a good thing cuz there is usually one person sitting back looking at the other 2 saying "Oh please....you guys are being ridiculous" which usually hastens the makeup because the other 2 start feeling silly about arguing or fighting over trivial things.
We just all get really excited really easily...maybe thats why we are so tolerant of each other or maybe its a recipe for disaster...who knows???
We'll just keep guns out of the house and we should be okay for the time being (That was a joke....we don't fight that bad.....don't get too worried!!)
Originally Posted by redpepper
I would enjoy the time you spend together and when the NRE wears off and you find that a date becomes folding laundry for an evening in front of the tv barely conscious of each other, then you are ready to talk moving in.
We already do that most nights and have for the last couple months (maybe we got boring and settled into a routine too fast??)....we have great times together socially, going to shows, out with friends, etc but its maybe one night a week. Really, our "routine" is not much different from my marriage to be honest.
I have about the equivalent amount of sex/intimacy in this relationship, we all pitch in and help with household/finances/school/kid duties, we spend most of our time at home just hanging out together/eating/laundry/etc, we work thru most problems with few cross words, and we really do love each other.
That's kinda why we're all thinking "we might as well make our lives alot easier and just have one house"...maybe we are being foolish but we are all feeling the same way.
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Kids need stability. I don't know the specifics of your situation, i.e. would someone need to swap schools or commute much longer to hobbies, but those are all things to consider. What happens if you break up? Is it fair to up-turn the kids' lives again? What if they want to keep on living with all their siblings and three adults? What if of your triad, only one couple breaks up, but can't stand the sight of each other? Who will actually own the house? Will there be enough room for everyone? Can you afford living on your own if you need to?
#1 The kids are a major concern. They would come under public scrutiny because of the area we live in. We worry about them being teased about our lifestyle. We worry about them being affected if we split up BUT if I was in a relationship with just a man (like "normal" people) would there not be the same concerns (regarding the implications if they get attached and then we split up)?? Every relationship is a risk and having children just adds to it.
#2 We haven't figured out the ownership of the house yet. That would be one more thing we'd have to figure out......one more reason moving in is "down the road" for us either way.
#3 Yes, we all 3 can and have supported ourselves. Financially being able to live either way is not a major issue.
Woo!!! I hope I answered everybody!!! LoL That took forever