Originally Posted by Minxxa
I think perhaps if I can remove some of the assumptions I have of what relationships need to be, and look honestly at who my husband is and what I get from him that would be very helpful. I think I have been asking way too much of him, and in a way have been trying to get him to be someone he's not. I've also been asking too much of myself... and giving far too much of myself (unasked for, by the way).
Your conclusion sounds healthy. It really sucks that sometimes it takes really long to accept that you really can't change another person. (Oh, how long I've thought regarding an issue "if only he wouldn't do things like that
and everything would be perfect".) But it's really important to first accept who he is and what he does. By accepting I don't mean that one has to be OK with everything, just that one has to stop denying the issue/conflict. And then, I find it equally important to honestly look at the situation and see if it's something I can live with or not. And if not, what is it that follows: will I wait for a set period of time and hope for change or try to work on a solution or will I have to terminate the relationship. I guess this is what they call making your boundaries...