And for the conclusion of my blithering for the day... :-/
Here's a connection I just made. I have been spending a lot of time in the past couple of months working on ME. Doing my yoga, doing school, getting out to see friends, doing some self-work reading... etc. That has all been good stuff. Where I always end up getting whacked out again is ME in relation to my husband. US.
After last night I have really realized that while doing work on me alone is great, it does NOTHING for our relationship as a couple because when we get together we work the same way we always do and therefore are having the same issues we always do. So right now... alone, I'm fine. When with him, it goes awry.
The work I need to do now is still my own... but I need to figure out what I NEED from my relationship, and look at what's actually possible to get from my relationship with hubs. I have to be honest about who I am and who he is and what we are capable of being to each other. THAT is the work that I needed to be doing. Instead of focusing on what we "could be", or how things "could look" and trying to "work towards that", I need to just focus on who we are now and what we are to each other now.
I think perhaps if I can remove some of the assumptions I have of what relationships need to be, and look honestly at who my husband is and what I get from him that would be very helpful. I think I have been asking way too much of him, and in a way have been trying to get him to be someone he's not. I've also been asking too much of myself... and giving far too much of myself (unasked for, by the way).
I think if I can learn to see him as he is and appreciate that with no other expectations, and learn how to give of myself a little less completely so I still have me left at the end... maybe we can get to a good place.