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Old 10-22-2009, 06:44 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,702

I'm not sure what it is that C is getting out of this relationship the three of you have... I get that he has family out of it, but if you never have any time together LR then how are you to develop levels of connection and intimacy? Is there no time that Maca can look after your kids so that the two of you can go out, perhaps spend the night together and quickly jump back into your own bed before the kids get up (we do this on nights Mono sleeps over)?

I realize that this "question" arose only recently and also realize that there is a lot going on for the two of you in the way of counseling issues and a child moving in with you, but should this not be the time to sort out some logistics together for the long haul? I guess I am feeling kinda bad for poor ol C who doesn't seem to have a voice in all this.

I remember having a discussion with my husband at some point about how I felt I should stay two nights a week at Mono's and that he should stay nights at our house whenever possible. Granted we don't live together, so seeing each other in regular life is different, but my concern was about the fact that he (and I) needs closeness and private times with me just as much as my husband and I do. My husband agreed and now that is what we do... it translated into being more respectful about saying goodbyes (as I mentioned earlier) and eventually lead to sexual aspects of our relationships apart and together. When we are together there have been occasions where there is enough meditative silence that Mono, or my husband has watched affection between me and the other and really felt the love there. At least I feel as if that is what happens... it certainly is like that for me in that I feel like I am showing it. It has moved us to a place of bonding and connection that I didn't think possible. Complete compersion.

Maca, you were saying, "I was looking for rules or ideas of what was an accepted amount of affection in front of the others. What I have learned is that really there are no rules there is just life, love, experience, compassion and self introspect." The point I guess I am trying to make is that you are at where you are at and you can make rules/boundaries up as you go and change them as you go using love, experience, compassion and self introspection.... when the rule isn't working anymore it's time to look at it again.
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