View Single Post
Old 08-02-2011, 07:29 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I do think it's reasonable for my established partner(s) to expect me not to pursue relationships which are harmful or full of drama or unhealthy. I do expect the same, too.
The problem with that is, often you don't know how much drama or toxicity a relationship will have until you're smack-dab in the thick of it. You can ask a partner to avoid drama and unhealthy relationships, but that can't prevent them from happening.

Minxxa, I'm a bit confused, too. I just went back and re-read your thread a bit. It seemed like you and hubs's GF have emailed, met, and gotten along. But later in the thread, there's this:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
And as for his GF.. well, that's a lot more complicated. Especially in regards to boundaries and energy drainage. I don't see that changing before he comes home for very very complicated reasons I can't divulge. But as long as I'm getting a good amount of his energy I can live with that for now. I worry more for HIM.
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I laid down to go to bed, and as soon as my eyes were shut I started to have the most horrible "worst case scenario" visions involving hubs and the GF. I saw it start, and then tried to think about other things, but it was really hard, and as soon as I would start to drift off to sleep, it would come back with a vengeance. Now, all of the scenarios were something that I had thought about previously, worked through and filed away... but it seems like when I'm in this hormonally induced anxiety state, they come flying out of that filing cabinet and attack!
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
Had the WORST convo with hubs. Talked about the GF. Basically a shitty situation there is no answer for.

The downward spiral started yesterday when we were texting and he got very cold and pulled away. Between that and not texting last night and this morning I was already in a mood, and it just built over the day.

I just wanted to sit and chat about something nice, but basically I've been ignoring the big damn issue because there's no resoluation. I haven't dealt with the situation, just ignored it and that never works.

I'm just damn tired of pretending I'm okay with something that I'm NOT freaking okay with. I don't have to like her, I don't have to want to hang out with her, but I have to not be freaking SCARED of what she could do to my family. And pretending I'm not is impossible.
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I just couldn't pretend she didn't exist anymore, which was what I had been doing...

We were talking about the rift him being with her is creating between us. Because I am so NOT right with it, and I didn't feel I could be NOT right with it... I told him I just didn't want to hear anything about it because that's the only way I could function. And that silence I asked for created a huge space between us.

My fault I guess.

But at this point I don't know what to do. I can't pretend I'm okay with it, I can't ignore it... I can't run away to a desert island and avoid the situation.
I know you've talked about anxiety and being a worrier. Do you think you have allowed yourself to see danger in his relationship where there really is none? What is it you are not okay with?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote