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Old 10-22-2009, 06:07 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

I hope that all those outside stressors settle soon and you can relax in your life and your love.

LR
The first thing Redpepper said to me after we got back to my place last night was whether I was happy in what we have and did I want to stay in this relationship. This is not the first time she has asked this. My answer is always the same..I am happy in what we have right now and I do want to be in this relationship.

I have a tendency to take a discussion or hypothetical situation and create reality around it. This is a danger of forum discussions for me. I love to share but have to be careful not to take things on. I've gotten better at avoiding this but being raw because of so many things lately I let this happen again yesterday.

There is also the issue I have with facing difficulty. It is not that I avoid it; it is that I think I need to shield everyone around me from it. I essentially feel best in a fight if it is just me. Whether I win or lose will be determined by my own actions and damage to myself is insignificant as long as the greater good is achieved. Therefore I pull away or push at people trying to help me. I don't want people around me getting hurt regardless if they want to help.

Redpepper has made it clear that she is here for me and wants to share in not just the fun with me, but the hardships. She is the fiercest and most dedicated friend you could imagine...she'd be pretty damn good in a fight and I know she would always watch my back. I am surrendering to that. I need her so I donít sacrifice myself in trying to achieve the best for others.

I truly am happy in what we have and in my love for her and commitment to the family we have. We were lying in bed this morning and she put the question out there of "I wonder where we will be on you next birthday?" She doesn't feel the insecurities I do sometimes. I am afraid to read too much into her confidence but I do take strength in that.
I donít care where we are..I just want her lying next to me
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