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Old 08-02-2011, 01:33 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,786

I will clarify my earlier post. As a woman who actually married her husband just five months after we had our first date, I can tell you I am not subscribing to some rule book or status quo formula that dictates you all must wait a year (or whatever) before cohabiting. I'm a rebel, I can dig going against the grain. But keep in mind that my marriage did not involve a third person, and did end rather painfully. In addition, my answer was prompted mostly by what I have gleaned from reading your posts (and a bit of common sense).

Pinky, you said: "the longer this relationship goes on, the more we all kinda feel like waiting that long may hurt our relationship more than help it." Red flag!!!

I look at it this way. If you think waiting could hurt the relationship, how is jumping into it going to help? Sounds like the foundation is still too unstable. Better to wait until there is absolutely no doubt in the integrity of the relationship, irrespective of whatever your living arrangements are.

Furthermore, if I go back and read this thread from the beginning, I see that in the short amount of time you have all been together, it has been a rollercoaster with several dramas played out already. Now you've had a lull in the drama for, oh, maybe a couple of weeks now, and everyone's like, "Ooh, this is bliss! Why wait?" Do you see the hastiness in that attitude?

You only knew each other a short while before embarking on this poly adventure. Sure, you could all jump in feet first into a communal living situation, what the hell -- but at what cost?

Why not save some aggravation and go slowly? It couldn't hurt to take some time to learn more about each other and to enjoy what you have, right now, rather than push for a goal to achieve. Do what you want, of course, but that's how I see it. We, in western society, are so often unable to be content with and revel in what we have, that we're always striving to move forward. But why not see if you can just enjoy the deliciousness of where you are for a while, while building the foundation for a future together? How good can you stand it, right now, just as it is?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 08-02-2011 at 06:27 AM.
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