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Old 08-02-2011, 12:12 AM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships?

Always crucial, but probably even moreso in poly relationships, where one's dearest may have another who is also dearest, and where there is the risk that one may sometimes feel less dear to one's dearest.

How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?

Meditation and mindfulness practices allow one to catch oneself at all kinds of unhelpful habits of thought-feeling and to loosten the grip of these habits through gradual disidentification with them. (Typically, we are quite identified with our habits of thought, feeling, activity/action.) Low self esteem is ... get this..., a habit. It can be changed when recognized and seen through.

On a scale of 0 - 10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healty self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?

I'm probably at about 8.5 at the moment, and over recent weeks (8-10 weeks). Before that I was at about a 4-5, going back years and years. On bad days I was bouncing round in the 1-3 range.

Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?

Oh, yeah! You betcha.

If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?

Perhaps mainly I got so freaking tired of my own self-caused misery that I was willing to die to/of the old familiar self. Dramatic changes are like little deaths that we biologically survive while psychically dying some good deal (only we become more of what we've always really been, more ourselves). I intensified my spiritual practices of meditation, mindfulness, metta (loving-kindness) and took plenty of risks.

Dramatic changes always, it seems to me, involve taking significant risks. One has to risk being oneself, authentically..., expressing one's self authentically.... For me, this has been a process of unmasking and removing bandages and armor and crutches..., learning to fly free from self-imposed constraints of every kind.
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Last edited by River; 08-02-2011 at 12:17 AM.
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