What's next to come...
I don't understand yet my goal out of posting my story but it does feel good to be able to talk to "someone" about what's going on at home. I suppose I'm just full of questions that yearn for answers. Does anyone feel like they have nobody to confide their poly lifestyle concerns with or is it just me? How do you deal with that? We've looked around and there doesn't seem to be any groups near us (Charlotte, NC).
Let's start from the beginning. Ever since I was 16, I've only ever been in poly relationships, whether they were intentional or not. Over time, it just became something I'm not opposed of and can even be very fond of. In my marriage with my first husband, we were more swingers than anything else I suppose. Although we both had our separate set of relationships with people. I ultimately divorced him because when it came down to it, he was opposed of me being with anyone else but he could play all day long.
I am now married to a wonderful man. He is the sunlight of my universe and we pretty much met in a threesome. If that doesn't tell you I'm open minded and flexible, I don't know what will. In the beginning, when we started to see each other, he and I talked a lot with regards to where we'd like our relationship to go, whether we would continue to play around with other people or if we would just be exclusively each other's. What it came down to was 1-if we want to play we can play. 2-if we had a third that came and joined us, that would be great.
Now we went through two years without actually finding anybody who was serious about getting together. So, it became less of a poly-able relationship and more of an exclusive relationship. Although, we always maintained our profiles on dating sites, etc. Which, to think of it, I'm not sure was deliberate or just happened to be so. Either way, nothing worth mentioning occurred in two years.
Then one day, my husband received a message from a girl. She expressed an interest in meeting him and so they had lunch the next day. Within a week, they became boyfriend/girlfriend. I have to say all this happened so fast that I don't know how to make heads or tails out of it.
All I know is I don't want him to have to break up with his girlfriend but I am also not very comfortable with this idea. I like her, that's not a problem. I think they're a sweet couple together, that much I can admit. I think he should be able to see other people if he wants to, I've always felt that way I guess. I just...I don't know what I'm feeling. It's a feeling I've never felt before in any of my relationships and I don't understand it.
It's also not an issue of security. I know nothing will happen to our relationship. I know he does not want to leave me for her. First of all, she's also married and secondly, she has a boyfriend already too.
To attempt to make this work for him, I've invited her over, made friends with her, found common interests (apart from him) and I even invited her into my bed. Ultimately, something doesn't feel right to me. I want to know what is missing so that I may fix it and give my husband what he wants. I want to get rid of this horrible feeling in my gut and never feel it again.
So I suppose I'm looking for opinions? Input? Someone else to look at this picture and suggest something perhaps I have missed. I guess in the end, I just need somebody to talk to??